The Passion of Viagra

Once upon a time, in 1998, a new wunderkind came on the market with a shiny new patent. Beautiful blue Viagra was loved by the media and doctors as the new stimulation for mankind. Brother to Cialis and Levitra, Viagra served to empower men, to make them feel strong again, under the guise of gifting back their manhood, igniting marriages and helping men worldwide reclaim their youth.

Oh, he promised much. Men worldwide rejoiced in lengthy and prolonged stimulation. Before long, he became king. And men rejoiced; along with those who stood to benefit just as much as mankind, albeit financially.

Forget that Viagra had a dark side. Children, women and assault victims became the new unwilling consumers of the little blue pill with new reasons. An entire new wave of conquest swept across the world as an antidote for the excitement was forgotten, so long as rampant consumers were happy, so long as pharma reps made their kickbacks and so long as big pharma made its millions.

Young Viagra's legal battle began in 2012 as the patent, or legal right to be upheld, was fading. A court battle was waged and King Viagra's reign was extended until 2019/20. Oh, but how to continue the reign once this extension was over? What to do, what do DO?

Behind the scenes, King Viagra's minions really began earning their fat paycheques. New uses for Viagra popped up.

Legal battles were waged between those who stood to lose the most, as many new contenders arose. Much posturing and scrambling commenced and soon enough, innocent uses were painted as most worthy successors for the little blue pill. Pregnant women soon became willing participants in throwing down King Viagra; babies not thriving in utero, rather than address diet or other issues, suddenly King Viagra raised his head once again and become the wunderkind.

The oh joy of joys; newborns that failed to thrive, with congenital heart conditions, rather than address the little issue of previous medication injury or existing medications causing issues, King Viagra once again ruled. All through the kingdom, little red-faced babies wailed with bladder pain and trouble with breathing. But never fear citizens; new causes were invented and the king continued to reign, with much media postulation and celebration.

Women suffered hearing loss and double vision. But there was much gnashing of teeth by the men of the land while they shook as they walked; and they slurred as they spoke, while their muscles twitched and eyes roamed. All piffle, so long as they had access to the little blue pill.

Those daring to climb the mountains of the kingdoms rejoiced in the new wunderkind's new use of altitude sickness. And even more heart disease patients flocked for the new cure, while chowing down mightily on fatty morsels, chugged down with ale and wine. Those seeking the land for a cure for jet lag, hypertension and angina soon gladly sacrificed bodily strength for momentary manly empowerment, while their hearts all but gave out during moments of ecstasy.

One wonders the length of time it will take until studies are conducted into an entire new young generation being overstimulated in more ways than one. Town criers bellowed, "But we must do all it takes to find new uses for King Viagra before the end of his reign!"


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